Match Report

The Rainford Smash boys rocked up at The Leigh Miners Table Tennis, Bowls, Darts, Pool, Rugby, Zumba, Yoga and Knitting Club on Wednesday night.  They were welcomed with warm traditional handshakes coupled with wry sarcastic comments.  It was Titans v Smash.

Kenneth Wolstenholme, Number 2 Nolan and Umpire Goulden were the three lucky lads to represent Titans in the last game before the winter break.

Smash had selected their Sound of Music trio ... Joe, Ray, Me.

Nolan smashed the Scamperer in the first and this set the tone for the evening, Kenneth Wolstenholme followed this by doing the same to The Hibbster.  6-0 to Titans in the blink of an eye.

Mighty Joe took a 2-1 lead against Umpire Goulden ... but the Umpire strikes back to make it 2-2 ... alas there was no sequel as Mighty Joe took it 3-2.

Titans were quickly back to winning ways when Kenneth Wolstenholme came down from his commentary box to give Scamperer a lesson in how to play controlled and effective table tennis. And as if it wasn’t already bad enough Nolan then beat Mighty Joe 3-1 ... he then had the temerity to stay on the table and win the doubles in three straights ... without seeming to break into a sweat.

Titans had won five of the opening six and were romping away with it, their second place in Division 2 was entirely justified on this performance.  The Titans boys looked at the hand-knitted scoreboard and they had a 17-5 lead ... this was promotion form ... and with the threat of a place Division 1 staring them in the face they then had a sudden slump in form ... just enough to ensure they stay in second position, outside the automatic promotion place.

Smash took advantage and won three of the last four ... they recovered some valuable points and The Hibbster was instrumental in this late show of confidence.  The final score of 21-15 made for more respectable reading for Smash ... Kenneth Wolstenholme took home the Man of the Match award.

Theresa May had watched the match nervously on her Rumbelows rented tele ... by the end of the game she also knew her own result ... so she rang the Radio 5 Live phone-in ... “hard-game, hard-border, back-hand, back-stop, back-stab” ...  she was ranting as the call dropped out.

But everyone had stopped listening weeks ago.
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