Match Report

Mawdesley on a Friday night ... a somewhat surreal experience ... slightly discombobulating.

For the sake of clarity I am talking about Mawdesley the village not Mawdesley the man.  It’s just down the road from Parbold ... a Friday night game played in the Mawdesley Methodist Church Hall ... in a town that hasn’t yet been told to lift the war time black out.

A Church Hall with pristine white walls by day ... and by night it is lit by a couple of 60 watt bulbs that give it the eerie quality of a 19th century smoggy London ... somewhere in this gloom there is a white ball that six gallant fools will attempt to hit  ... this was the Braille version of Table Tennis.

The Cotton Kings trio of Mickey White Legs, Penfold Pemberton and Harris Tweed had lured the Smash boys back into a 1950’s lamplight game of Table Tennis.  The Hibbster, Scamperer and Nick the Knife turned out for Smash.

There was a conundrum facing the Smash boys ... this was the last game of the season and a low score would help their handicap in the forthcoming Plate Final ... but a high score would elevate them to a 4th place finish.

In the first game Nick the Knife went down 3-2 to Mickey White Legs Mahon ...  and this was to be the first and last victory of the night for the Cotton Kings. From then on it was all about superior eyesight.

The Hibbster had brought his Miners Helmet and this helped him to win all three of his matches.  Scamperer won all three of his matches too but he had the advantage of wearing Night Vision glasses following a tip off ... Chris Garfin had told him he would be entering the twilight zone ... and Nick the Knife won his two remaining matches and also won doubles with his partner The Hibbster.

Final score 29-8 to Smash ... and their Plate Final handicap had been well and truly scuppered.

In the Sky Sports studio guest pundit Elton John had this to say about the match ... “The candle burned

 out long before the Leccy ever did” ... and after the studio lights went out Gabby Logan punched him in the face for showing off.

Well done Gabby
Written by: Martin Machin
Share This Page