A new form of Table Tennis was introduced to Wigan League at Standish on Wednesday night ... it’s called Home by 9pm.

The visitors from Rainford were a man down due to Dazla failing a late fitness test ... so it was a two man team (Pimps Out Taylor and Scamperer) that journeyed up the M6 to play a strong Standish outfit.  The Standish Captain and Master Tactician, Alex Almond, was unavailable to play so Gordon ‘chopping’ Wood stepped up ... he was to join the talented Adele and Matty Kennedy ... but on his way to the game Matty was urgently called into work ... the opportunity of treble time was too good to resist.  So it was a two-a-side match.

Without someone to captain the Standish ship the search was on for a scorecard, a pen and a coin for tossing.  With all admin in place the tosser asked the heads or tails question and we were off.  Pimps Out quickly put three points on the scorecard for Smash beating Gordon in straights sets.

Adele, two sets down against Scamperer, suddenly got her eye in ... every big hit was now landing ... every short backhand flick was working ... and she won 3-2.  But it was to be the only win of the night for the Standishians.  Pimps Out beat Adele in three and then Scamperer beat Chopping Wood 3-1.

It was 8:45 and there was only the doubles to play ... but the Admin was a mess ... at one point a player that wasn’t even there had won a match ... the Tipex last used in 1998 had dried up ... so a new Scorecard would need to be borrowed from the next table ... the ever resourceful Mike Crook gave us the last card in all of Standish.

Smash won the doubles.  Adele, as the only official Standish team player, was elevated to captain and duly signed the card ... 20-10 to Smash and Pimps Out Taylor won another coveted Man of the Match award. We jointly put the table away ... in the process educating Adele in the art of taking down a table tennis table.

Games against Gordon ‘chopping‘ Wood are legendary ... rarely does the match finish before 11 and he is usually home around midnight ... but tonight he was home by 9:30 ... this had never happened before.  And in his front room he found all his neighbours partying the night away ... there was Babycham, Cherry B and Watney Party 7’s all over the place.  The cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick we’re going stale on the table whilst the Arctic Roll melted under the heat of the light.

“Gordon’s back” was the shout ... “who’s Gordon” was the response ... real life goes on when us ping-pongers are out doing our thing.